| Current mood: |  annoyed |
| Current music: | Justice - BEAT |
| Entry tags: | college, life, mind |
Back in the Game
Angry. Nervous. Lonely. Unsure. Insane. Distracted. Pressured.
This is how I often feel at Swarthmore, despite my best efforts to otherwise. Sometimes, it's like there's a nervous or aggressive energy inhabiting my being that I just can't get rid of. Sometimes I get myself into situations and positions that should never exist, and then I can't get my mind out of them afterwards. Sometimes, I wish that I could separate my friends into the people who I like hanging out with and those who mean well but drive me to insanity.
Yes, that's it. Some of my friends drive me insane. I know they don't mean to. They try to be helpful. If I could accept them as opponents, it would be reasonable, but I can't. And so there's an inconsistency when I feel that I am somehow allowing myself to be defeated by people I was never fighting.
And then there's work. It gets on top of me somehow. I can't let it if I really want this semester to be any fun at all. And yet I manage to lose efficiency.
I know the answer to this. Don't get sucked in. Detach, then focus energy. Don't get sucked in. I still can't remember that.
Maybe I need a cue. Like some kind of action I use to represent centering and neutrality, to remind myself, like a hook to pull myself out of a mental whirlpool. I think it's like an actor trying to regain center - become like still water again.
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13th_einherjar) wrote,
